I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
