when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
