then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
