Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
