If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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