I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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