So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
