So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
