Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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