Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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