my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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