Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
