We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
