what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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