we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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