dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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