I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
