When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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