Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
