I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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