glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
