She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
