Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
