Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
