I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want a musical about memes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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