separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
