There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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