Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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