He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
