oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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