Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
