I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
