I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
