My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
