i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
