Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
