What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
