we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
