Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I smell stomach acid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
