You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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