mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
