I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
