I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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