i already hear my dad disowning me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
