she woke up with a sticky ear
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
