can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
