No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
