I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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