Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
