You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
