Your face is a jimmy john
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
