i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
