I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
