Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
