Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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