I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize