At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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