you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
