I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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