I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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