you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
