I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
