i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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