I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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