A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize