Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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