and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize