There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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