Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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