Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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