You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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