I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
