She announced her abortion via fbk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
